RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. lalalala blogging in sch's lab now. so boring la Zzz having a 3 hours lab lesson, teaching us how to do HTML codes. T.T BORED. oh well, i finished earlier so blogging to spend time.
woo, and did i mention that my sec sch's cheerleading is in final 3 for cheerobics 2007? wahah. so damn zai la they. professional cheer uniform, best team spirit award. whoo. today is the final competition.
oh well, they sucked at yesterday's rehearsal in indoor stadium.
HOWEVER,
after going back in school, having a team talk everyone was hyped up and ready to go again. so yea (: they're good. my juniors ! :D
i skipped economics tutorial for them .. =/ GRRRRRRRRRRr
sian man~ SIAN SIAN SIAN. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
IN-COURSE ASSESSMENT(TEST) LATER ON. IM GONNA FAIL . T.T

Tonight I celebrate my love for you
It seems the natural thing to do
Tonight no one's gonna find us
We'll leave the world behind us
When I make love to you

Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And hope that deep inside you feel it too
Tonight our spirits will be climbing
To the sky lit up with diamonds
When I make love to you tonight

Tonight I celebrate my love for you (ooh)
And that midnight song is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do
Is to get close to you tonight

Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And soon this old world will seem brand new
Tonight we will both discover
How friends turn into lovers
When I make love to you

Tonight I celebrate my love for you (ooh)
And that midnight song is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do
Is to get close to you

Tonight I celebrate my love for you


highlighted parts are the thoughts that i can relate to.. ^^ learn to detach from emotions !!

what is forever love..?
i only know forever wait..

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CRAZY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CRAZY
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you


im not afraid of letting you know.
im just afraid of being pushed away..
shoved to one corner just because....
im just not loved..

i wanna hide.
i wanna run away.
i am getting on my own nerves.

looking for a cover.
happiness is one's biggest enemy when he is down.
i've lost this battle thorougly.

maybe i'll choose running away afterall i've tried every other options.
last option left.

nightmare. . i dreamt that i sorta went jogging or smth at night and i got possessed by smth. it "entered" me thru my EAR , right ear specifically. then i became very gloomy and people avoided me asif they can sense it. and when i came home, my ah ma sensed it and did smth abt it. den i woke up abruptly.

oh well. i guess i've been slping too much, had another dream this evening. =D shall not post abt it here.AHHHHHHHH. i've been tinking too much thats y the sudden dreams. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


u've always been closing up yourself infront and towards me.
till now,
you're like a stranger.
i've been pushing myself to understand you,
yet repeatedly im being pushed back.

tension of opposites, to forget VS to love.

I wonder where you where
I wonder what your thinking about tonight
I wonderMaybe your alone
Maybe you’ve been crying just like me
I wonderI don’t know why I lost your touch
Maybe I wanted to be loved too much

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soonI wanted you to love me
It’s been a rainy afternoon
Now I’m staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon
I told you every day
I told you every night in every way
I love youMaybe you got scared
Maybe I have nothing else to say
But I love youSo baby now my life’s a mess
Cause i’mCos I couldn’t love you any less
Too serious, too soonI wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
It’s been a rainy afternoon
Now I’m staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon
Too soonIt’s not rightIt’s not fair
It’s in you baby cuts like a knife
What if you were the love of my life
Too serious, too soonI wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before

Too serious, too soonI wanted you to love me
We got too serious too soon
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious too soonI wanted you too love me
It’s been a rainy afternoonNow I’m staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon


im reading halfway of "Tuesdays with Morrie" and theres a interesting phrase frm the book.
Tension of opposites. ^^ its like a rubber band, where our life is stretched and the both end of the rubber band represents 2 expression/something. and usually we lies in the middle. its like a wrestling match..

and you might ask, who wins?
i'd say LOVE WINS.
LOVE ROX.

self-pity.. i always liked to spend few minutes of my day and stop to feel what i've achieved and what i've not.
tearing is not a big deal neither is it a sin. this is what i believe in too.
sometimes tears can help lighten up your mood. your day. your life.
it washes away troubles for a moment.
CYA ALL. im gonna go finish reading it.

guess 1 year + ending already. or should i say it has ended? nah i still cant say that with confidence.

one day, soon i'll be able to say " its the past " as confidently as you. i HOPE so.

i remember juncong once said. a blog is useful in expressing and relieving pain FOR THE starting but in the long run, it'll be painful as it constantly reminds you of your pain, opens up those wounds repeatedly. just because i've been hurt countless time doesnt mean im used to the pain am i?

let me tell you. i am NOT. ok.


oh yea. so this is gonna be my last post bah. im gonna either leave it rot or delete it soon. and i'll get a real diary, where im able to write EVERYTHING in words that exactly represents my feelings. for now, its all sadness. i've forgotten how to feels like to be loved. ?

can someone blame me plz? for all the pain i've brought upon to myself.? maybe being blamed at will make me feel better?

i thought i can get used to it. i really felt that way..
i was childish to actually believe that miracles do exists.
i was naive to actually thought that things will stay the same.
i was retarded to be so easily contented.

guess this is the final blow. in chek's term.
you either eat the fruit when its ripe, or let it rot and say bye bye.
so pple out there.. eat your fruit when its ripe or you'll learn a painful lesson. ^^

bb my 2 months old blog. ^^

lyrics..

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
[Chorus]When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest[End Chorus]
Don't be afraidI
've taking my beating
I've shared what I've been
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that ive done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]
Forgetting All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that ive done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

another song..

Hey girl you know you drive me crazy one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.
Cover up with make up in the mirror tell yourself it's never gonna happen again you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.
Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown I see what's going down.
I see the way you go and say your right again, say your right again heed my lecture
Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end as your lies crumble down a new life she has.
One day she will tell you that she has had enough its coming round again. (repeat)
Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the grown?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough.. (repeat)

last one..


"I'll Stand By You"
Oh, Why You Look So Sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through’cause I’ve seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don’t know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt youI’ll stand by you
So if you’re mad, get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you
When you’re standing at the crossroads
And don’t know which path to choose
Let me come along’cause even if you’re wrong
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you
And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You’re feeling all alone
You won’t be on your own
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

selfish... its really scary to feel that..

i shiver at the slightest slight that u're blissfully living..
i squirm at the thought that things are going alright....
im falling..
into the abyss of no return..
someone pull me up.
PRETTY PLEASE?

its either make it or break it.
i can feel it coming, the 2nd choice.
im BREAKING.

like what jeff said to me today..
cut off all contacts huh? i shall attempt that..

its like living in seclusion?
i'll need to go out wif my buddies more den.
to take my mind off some matters.
everything necessary has been done and said. what more can i offer/do.
today has been disastrous or should i say 30mins ago started the disaster.
a torrent of thoughts flooded my mind.
i wonder if theres any place i can be alone and shout out my thoughts, those thoughts that cant be posted up here.. only to be kept inside me. why.? was knowing you a mistake from the start? or was falling into this my bad? wadever.. its still my fault. i cant find any reason to blame others. selfish me. i just wanna be happy. thats all? screw sch work screw everything else. i just want happy.


ooooh and thx oscar ( if you ever read ) for your MISTER DONUTS. its nice ^^ choco with bulky sugar bits. (: at least that 3 hours spent in azure was sufficient to put a (: on my blog tonight.

just woke up and suddenly thought about how much i weigh/stand and how insignificant i am hur hur. things started recollecting and all the stupid and crazy stuffs came back to me. i wonder how long im gonna stay this way i wonder when i will wakeup i wonder when this will end.

am i really so insignificant? WHY. HAVE I NOT DONE ENOUGH?

i guess, this is just the start of awakening. like what chek said to jeff, chang tong bu ru duan tong ( a short pain is better than long pain ) direct translation.

IM BACK FRM orchard parade HOTEL wedding dinner ( one of my relative's daughter one ) and... the most enjoyable part of e dinner wasnt the food nor the wedding. it was... ONE OF THE WAITRESS THAT SERVED MY TABLE! oh my gosh, she was sweet can. ((: and i saw her nametag, it was Jiaxi. ahaha! i wonder if im crazy enough to go back to that hotel and ask her no. was CONSTRAINED coz of my relatives ard me. blah. anyway i guess this is just one of the super duper short crush type. it'll end after tonight i tink ^^ 4 glasses of red wine makes me gaga. gosh, my face was red and the kiddo seating opposite me was asking his dad y my face was so red and im not 18 y i can drink wine. ignorant kid -.- LALALALA i enjoyed it while it lasted. ^^

just came back frm DXO theme for tonight, SCHOOL'S OUT ( sch-u ) . it SUX. DXO has been offically blacklisted now. it was actually blacklisted but when we heard the theme is sch-u, we felt that its pretty interesting and we'd give DXO a 2nd chance, we were wrong. never. SUX. anyways, i got to see a gal frm my lecture grp. she looks hot ^^ guess i'll approach her afta my 2 wks hol. ((: guess 2 wks is enough to let go of my reluctance. ^^ and... im gonna be discriminating against super big sized pple here so.. pple dun be offended yea? ^^ theres like 2 girls 1 guy we saw just now. and 1 of them is super big sized comparable to jeff's sis size. omg la den shes wearing a CHIJ UNIFORM. WTH? lol. ok thats not all. when we were squeezing thru the dance floor to find "targets" theres another fat ass. blocking our way and dun wanna let us go thru. irritating can. oh well ^^ its just another bad club experience i guess. better den GOOD FRIDAY's one tho. more girls this time round.

MOS ON TUESDAY! underage! anyone wanna come?! tag me! ((:

^^ suddenly, i feel so tired. i want to let go
yet something inside me is reluctant to.
wonder when will i be so tired that i cant continue walking behind u. . .
that will be the day when i sit down . .
waiting for you to turn back if you ever cared. .
all i ever do is wait and continue walking behind you.
should you fall, i'll be there.
should you be tired, i'll stop and rest with you.
i really do hope that you'll fall and you''ll be tired..
so that i can be with you...
i really do.
im selfish.
i hate it to know that u're doing well and im not.
i want everyone to feel that same as me.
yet that is impossible.



i just cant be nonchalent about it can i?
i believe you cant be nonchalent about it if this happens to you.

=D=D=D=D im happy ^^ even though my 2 hours of effort gone down the drain today in sch's library due to the bloody ____ speech outliner HANGED. but i managed to complete in 40mins ^^ i work better when im focused. ^^ anyyway.. went home at 7pm den saw a tray of DURIAN PUFFS, THATS NOT ALL. theres also CHOCO MUFFINS. ((: my mum baked them today ! its DAMN nice can the durian puffs. i ate like 4 in a row den had to eat dinner.

lalala its the vermicilli with egg tradition dinner ! =D i eat it every year for my bdae ! i suppose its a tradition passed down by my grandma - father - me! im gonna cook it for my kids nxt time ^^ happy happy !

the sian part of today is, tmr got speech presentation Zzz. i've been procrastinating like mad can. the famous saying! Procrastination is like masturbation, it feels good until you realise you're screwing yourself up. HOW TRUE MAN! =D

HELLO EVERYONE! im blogging admidst a lecture now! i learnt... CHARISMA IS IMPORTANT! AHHHH. am i right meiqi? xD charismatic guy ! emotional attractiveness too! ahaha. okok. i shall blog on my day yest.!

((: went home afta sch and gamed wif jeff hy and frens ! quite a fun game and ltr on waited for 1 hour for them to get ready and meet us out at NOVENA! =D NOVENA AGAIN! YESSSS ! im falling in love with novena ! azure and my bunch of beloved frens are all over there ! ^^ afta meeting them up they went to sq2 and got me a LOVELY CAKE! and i mean it man, its white choco and black choco roses but too sweet! oh well i guess im sweet thats y? =D lalala. we went to starbucks and waited for our beloved OSCARRRR to knockoff den ltr on walked over to e chicken rice shop opposite the church. =D how cool is that, its like a family dinner luh! 8 of us took 1 table and we ate 1 whole chicken + hotplate beancurd ( NOT NICE ! ) + vegetables! eat eat eat eat eat den all so full so we sat and waited for our food to be digested. =D
lalalalala. the plates were cleared and TA DA ! the birthday cake CAME! lol. and following HY's tradition, im like not supposed to see them put the candle and stuffs. so she suggested that i go take a walk to the cheers while they prepare. lalala and of coz, im not willing to do this tradition. AND! the boss of the shop damn ON CAN. hes like, "na li you shen ri mei you ge" ( where got birthday no birthday song one) so he leaded the singing and 1 2 3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~ lalala. damn shiok. ^^ afta that... we went to our 2nd home in NOVENA. AZURE! hahah! played there until like 1am++ la and worst of all i didnt get to play Zzz the bloody com hang. bloody hell. anyway.. yq had 3 KILLS? cool or wad, but leo didnt noe whose yq and oscar so he abit not friendly u noe. yeaaaa ^^ i love my frens. ((: thats all for my day ! ^^ =D

THIS IS MY BELOVED TASMANIA! =D=D=D=D

lalalala! i conveniently went to polyclinic today and got myself a MC to excuse myself from presentation this morning. ^^ afta stats tutorial went to meet JAN,QI,BC already at PS ! (: went up to check e timing for movie but boo no zodiac and other nice movies so.. conclusion = ARCADE. ^^ im so so so so so so touched. that tasmania above = hardwork of jan and qi! ( watching them getting pek chek is terrible ) ! ((: i'll always remember this day! la la la. DINNER at the manhattan! janice is so addicted to BLEACH! and now bleach PSP game! all BC"s fault la! for bringing out that PSP and passing it to JANICE. shes so eager to play that shes eating her food so fast luh. and in the middle, BC and janice started talking abt their bleach while me and QI talking abt band, books and stuffs. quite funny eh xD ltr on the cake came! and we were so full la that we can only finish like 1/2 of the cake and passed the other half to e staff working at e restaurant. ^^ afta that ARCADE again! lalala. i hate that basketball thingy, it sux! (ok at least it SUX for me ) real basketball is nicer =D then its getting late so we went back home ^^ whee. thast quite all for today! didnt do like the best things in the world BUT, time spent wif THEM was more important than anything else ^^

THX JANICE !

THX MEIQI !

THX BC !

ONE LAST THING! HUITING! if u happen to read this... we gotta meet up yea?! ((:

^^ bittersweet - kevin kern is specially dedicated to that one person out there.. i know that piano is one of your fav instrumental songs.. bitter sweet ^^ constrasting words. hope you're reading this. i'll be here always, if you need anyone to talk to.. im always here for you..

woke up today, went online and read something that aint supposed to start my day. so not right to start my day with reading that piece of news. was damn emo until HUITING came along! (: im so glad that u came luh my FARMER. hope you'll read this ! ^^ it feels great to know that someone cares ! annnnnnnd! i MISS laughter and ur :D ( smiles ) ! (: im so gonna meet u up soon.!
lastly... STUDY HARD K altho i myself didnt study last year during this period.. but u MUST! <3>